WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
my mom just served us mashed potatoes with an ice cream scoop. When I asked her why, she said she thought it would make dinner 'more fancy'...
What the hell did I do to get youtube to recommend a video for me called "how to increase your chances of getting pregnant"?
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
You kept screaming, "Fuck her right in the personality" and then kissed a guy and slapped him across the face
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Randomize
