When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
I wouldn't say I LOVE Pacman. I mean, sure, I'd battle against you in an epic Pacman struggle for blow jobs and glory. But I mean, who wouldn't?
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
When you wake up, I have a unicorn coloring book, crayons, mini cupcakes, and booze.
A 5 day bender that ended with refusing to pay my bar tab before I left the city. I offered to send them a selfie so they knew to never let me back in.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
We literally laid down in the back of my car and had sex in a parking lot and it was in the top 3 best moral-less decisions I've made.
Went online to check my credit card... $147.87 at Waffle House. $632.36 at "Red Rose Gentleman's Club" and a $1000 cash advance from an ATM. I may no longer be a fiancé.
last night you made out with a 19 year old on a bar and i woke up with a swede in my bed. lets just say that never happened.
I remember waking up on the bathroom floor and seeing my teeth behind the toilet
Randomize
