this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
Nothing ended up happening last night because he couldn't get my overalls or fanny pack off. I woke up this morning with one strap over my overall shorts on, my fanny pack wrapped around my chest, and the baby doll still tied to my hand. Ugh white trash parties!
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
So instead of asking me for my number, he asked for my dad's because he wanted to "thank the man that helped create those tits."
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
i think my cat just said my name.
Was banging my ex last night when his roommate walked in... We kept going. #goaheadandwatch
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
