Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I have started doing my homework in bars. It just feels right.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
It was like god placed me in his bed and said," here's your shot girl. Don't mess this up." And I looked at god and laughed in his face.
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
Why are you always at the walk in clinic, Lady Chlamydia?
You're not allowed to make that my permanent nickname.
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
.As long as you're some how patriotic with your sexual escapades, I can support it.
I think I'm crying more because after all these years he never learned to spell you or use a comma properly from me
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
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