I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
so, is "hi, did i take your virginity six years ago and never call afterwards?" an appropriate greeting in a bar?
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
just chugging fertility tea and vodka, no big deal.
you called me drunk last night to talk about summoning sex demons with magic WTF
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
Have you forgotten that this whole sexy cop role play started with a comment about my mom?
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
Taking body shots off hot Camren. Get here now.
I had a dream that we had an entire sofa made out of cocaine.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
Randomize
