I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
he put listerine on his cock to make the taste more "enjoyable"... i think hes a keeper.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
I need moral support for this bender
We're pretty much just dating until one of our ex's wants us back
I just don't do feelings in the summer months.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
LESSON OF THE DAY: Saying Everclear gets you out of explaining anything.
I though he and I knew each other well enough that we could go to my hotel room to do a bunch of cocaine together without their being any homoerotic implications, but NOOOOOOOOO!
She text me that night and asked how the dick was and I quote my drunk self "average at best"
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
Randomize
