We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
You were mumbling a lot and offered me 20 dollars to leave you alone
I found out what happened to my eye. I punched myself in the face.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
Literally just saw a 7 year old intently rub his penis on the metro. I'm not ready for this
we turned the lights off and all you could see were my glow in the dark stars and his penis
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
