Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
I told my mom about how you got white girl wasted and sobbed about Whitney Houston. She sends her condolences.
tell her thanks so much
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
A dry HJ only, please. I don't deserve the comforts of lube after my horrendous fantasy football performance
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Side note: I just realized that I can make my hand warmers double as a heated push up bra.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
If it's any consolation she turned out to be has a collection of clown dolls she talks to crazy. And the cops knew why I was calling when she key locked the door from inside.
Randomize
