I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
Liquor doesn't fix sad, but it sure as hell lowers my standards for a rebound.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
He's petting your head, we need to leave now.
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