Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
She was asian and in a relationship... my two weaknesses
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
how are you not completely traumatized after 8 years of friendship with me?
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
We eventually had to ration the melon vodka. 10 pushups per shot. THATS why my arms hurt
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Randomize
