$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm laying outside on my patio attempting to get sun with a puke bucket next to me... This is dedication to the tan my friend
Oh. And what's the twitter protocol for following the guy you blew behind a shed?
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
I got so pissed i stormed off and threw his burrito on his windshield
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