I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I was trying to remember why my knees hurt then I remembered I was twerking on the countertops.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up this morning with a plate of ravioli in my bed. Who says being single can't be fun?
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
