how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
My bra smells like weed because there's weed in my bra
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
is it bad that my walk of shame involves the church shuttle?
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Ah, but I don't wear underwear. Every day is Commando Wednesday.
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Oh you know, the usual. We had a good date, I took her back home, she took off my pants, laughed, and left.
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
Randomize
