trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
I went from swearing off of sex to planning a threesome. It's been a rollercoaster of a day.
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