There are no words to adequately express my gratitude for sending me porn you found staring a former classmate.
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
Just to give you a heads up, I am going home with your ex-boyfriend.... You can't be mad because he was my ex-boyfriend first
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
Why don't we skip the roadtrip entirely, save us the trip, and go straight to jail?
A blow job from a tiger shark would still entail less risk to your genitals than having sex with her.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Dick sucking on arrival? or would you like to cash that in later?
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
Randomize
