I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I just realised I've never been sober in my apartment
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
Her boyfriend offered to buy me a vibrator. I'm not sure how to feel about that.
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
For a second fuck I think last night went extremely well... our sexual relationship is progressing at a pace that im quite satisfied with.
Randomize
