How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
Elton John & Lady Gaga just did a duet on the Grammies. How appropriate. He likes cock & she happens to have one.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
Happy 4 year arrest-aversary! I promise no thanksgiving has been as eventful as that one haha..
We talked about breaking up, had sex, and in the middle of said sex, talked more about breaking up- best sad day ever
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize
