I wish I only lived at night.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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