My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
when I woke up she was standing in the living room with a bottle of scotch because she is "allergic to hangovers"
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
You act like pregaming preseason hockey is a crime. Come on man, get fucked up and watch pucks. It rhymes so well it has to go together. DOS EQUIS Y DEVILS!
I'm so sick
I would imagine. You did most of your drinking for brazil last night.
That and I think I got food poisoning from sharing nachos with that homeless guy..
This is the point in ur life where u should realize there's nothing left but a spiral of shame
I should but I don't. All I see is an escalator of success
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize
