Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
This is the prime rib incident all over again
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
If i theoretically had to put an iv back in what do I need to do?
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
The sweaty, naked apartment dance party wasn't complete until I threw the whole jar of glitter on us. It was like the icing.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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