I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
yup. cregs moms pubic hair is still glued to the celing
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
I literally just rubbed my stomach and told my liver to "hang in there baby"
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
I'm glad you still love me even when I change pants in the kitchen and demand you spoon me
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Tonights mission: get trashed, smoke a bowl on top of the silo, get some dick. Not necessarily in that order.
Randomize
