Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
Yo, my girl thinks she's pregnant, so I've got a DD for the wedding. Sweet.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
we managed to turn Dream Phone into a drinking game. don't hate.
It can't be good... The last recollection I have is singing lullabys to his penis
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
We tried to play tennis but after about 15 minutes we gave up and fucked against the fence. Woulda been a cute third date so of course I had to ruin it.
if elf comes on TV one more time i swear to god i will smash my brains out with this fruitcake
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Not my lover. I would rather lose all my teeth, and I fucking love my teeth.
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
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