I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
I gave her at least chlamydia. Maybe worse. She is also into chicks and loves taking naked pics. It's like the less I believe in Jesus, the more he rewards me.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
Randomize
