i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Some bum walked up and watched me getting head last night for like 5 mins before I noticed him
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
his dick is like his red hair, amazing but useless
I would explain the ketchup stains in the bed to him but saying I just got my period is so much less embarrassing...
And I was the only one who felt it was dangerous to set the tv and blender on the ledge of the hot tub
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
All I could think about while he was going down on me was that his moustache reminded me that I want to try something new with my pubic hair.
That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.
Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
I'm good. We walked you back to my apartment and you demanded to eat the sandwich I made for him
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
