1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
my six pack is really starting to show since I started fucking everything that moves
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
You don't know what lonely is until you've came in an Arby's Napkin
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
He washed his dick in my kitchen sink after sex. I think he might be a keeper.
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
you know maybe it wouldnt be so bad if it hadnt happened before. At least I didnt blow him this time
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
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