at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
all we need is a shotglass and a helicopter.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
I have no clue how you survived last night but I applaud you. 21 body shots off 9 bodies in under four hours has to be a record.
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
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