her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
There was a lot of him and a little penis
I looked at her and said "I now pronounce you pumpkin tits"
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
I came so hard that my back seriously popped like 5 times.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
Randomize
