every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
I never kept track of who else he slept with. You think I have the time or the energy to keep track of every dick in my life?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
