But sometimes ur dick treats me better than u do
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
Can you confirm that Victor fucked a girl for Jack in the Box tacos?
I cannot, but I know he fucked a girl for a Nerf hoop and a "Kingpin" dvd.
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
He smells like ham and a lifetime of poor choices
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
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