so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Just dropped $150 at the liquor store. No power and two feet of snow has taken my alcoholism to another level.
He was supposed to take me to a nice dinner, but istead all he did was get drunk and throw lit fireworks at me.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
I say I'm working from home on conference call days, but really I just mute the phone, put that shit on speaker so I can hear what's going on, and let Marcus fuck my brains out.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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