If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I knew his night was already over when he started marking lines on the bottle and setting goals
Why did I think it was so necessary to steal that rolling pin?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
I joked that if anyone could fuck a 35 year old woman while wearing head bands and arm sweat bands it's you and look what happens.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
how did operation slutty penguin go?
pretty epic. there was a guy who was also dressed as a penguin. i asked him if he would keep my eggs warm while i went fishing for the winter
We kinda got asked to leave the strip club and on the way out, you fell again. When you finally got up we got a standing ovation from the girls behind the bar and you took a bow. It was awesome.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
