So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I pulled out and her Nuva ring was around my dick... It was like I won a carnival game for adults... I asked her where my big stuffed bear was
just graduated on the spot on the quad where I vommed freshman year. full circle
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
oh my god. were standing in the kitchen and were chanting "EYEBROWS" and shaving peoples eyebrows. I have work tomorrow and want to keep my eyebrows.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
I'm on a treadmill at the gym ordering pizza on my phone so it'll get to my house around the time I get home. I NEED HELP. Or I'm a genius. I haven't decided.
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
Dude, they hit that lizard part of my brain that tells me to fuck people.
Preach sister.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
