my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
We decided to play beer pong where the loser had to beer bong a pitcher of beer...people just started losing on purpose. It was a bad idea.
Hey can we break in your window? We need to borrow the dog.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
You handed me a red solo cup filled with vodka and Bacon. You called it the salty Russian.
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize
