fun fact: cucumber in vinegar with pepper = best ever high snack
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Paying 5 grand for boobs is saving me like 10 grand in weed
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
After the keg stand you collapsed, hit your head on the floor, started seizing and after 20 seconds got back up and said "hah, I remember my first beer"
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
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