Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
got weed?
I'm really tired of you accidentally texting me when your doing illegal things. I'm taking away your phone.
sorry mom...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
I dont know what we smoked last night but I woke up and found out I started writing a book called White Trash Princess. Its the best thing Ive ever read
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
Just called my dad drunk from bed to ask for bacon.. my niece texted me when it was ready.. i'm never moving out
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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