I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Whenever we go out my brain flips on autopilot, straight to blackout.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
When you realized the door was unlocked, you did the mission impossible yheme song and snuck into the bathroom. And continued it while you peed.
I never thought I'd be on my couch watching Star Trek, getting my tits rubbed while crying.
Randomize
