She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Not only did I hold your hair back as you puked, i french braided it. I am such a great friend.
I just spent a chunk of my Christmas money on Plan B. I don't think that's what my relatives had mind when they said "spend it wisely", but hey, it was a good investment considering the bad life choices i made last night.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
I researched the whole pregnancy breast feeding with piercings. I think you dont have to worry about the trifecta milk spraying thing.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
Dude, all I know is that I came out of this thing wearing a snorkel mask and completely covered in glitter and soap.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I never turn down an adventure. My life is like a sexual Lord of the Rings.
If you ever "miss" working, I'm going to fist you with my hulk hands. BOTH of them.
Randomize
