I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Mowing drunk should be an olympic sport...
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
I drunk madeout with my mom last night. it's guna be an awkward breakfast.
They just came out of my bathroom and asked if I could spare them a condom. See. Its a good thing I have some.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
He pulled his pants down and said blow me, while passing out on my bed. I then pulled his pants up as he continuously started moaning in the background.
I just found out that order of 30 Beefy 5-Layers last weekend has achieved legendary status among the Taco Bell employees. Is there a Stoner Achievement for that?
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
Grandma's bordering on serious shit show territory at this point.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Randomize
