It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
everyone is single if you try hard enough
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
I couldn't get past the raccoon on my porch so i slept on my lawn.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
