brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
If you're fucking that other dude, I'll take the sloppy seconds. I don't care.
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
Randomize
