I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
