shaved balls and baby powder=awesome
the real housewives reunion is on...i wanna see if danielle can look any more surprised than the facelift allows
i wanna see dina punch her face back to normal
they are using this drunk girl like a spin the bottle in the hot tub, whoever she lands on she makes out with.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Somehow "stranger danger" turned into making out with a 25 year old on burbon street.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
Like I actually don't feel all that great but the fact that I'm not projectile vomiting at work makes life seem so magical
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You should just skip the small talk from now on and instead say something like "You need to come slay the dragon, be here in 15?"
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
Randomize
