I'm curled up in a ball on the floor of my office with the lights off. I hope no one notices. No more open bar. Woof.
I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
You slow danced with your carpet steamer last night.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
You said you were going inside to sober up and then you poured yourself a wine glass of warm gin
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Okay I can't even be mad, I'm in mid-plot to hook up with Michael Phelp's third cousin.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
hell or highwater he WILL get a blowjob in the hammock before the end of summer.
Is it weird that I only look up my ex on Twitter when I take a shit? May have conditioned myself to associate him with shit
One day, I might be old and married wishing I could bang everyone... and that'll be a problem. So I feel in my heart it's something I need to do.
Randomize
