Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
I love how understanding people are when they hear we first hooked up getting high and watching nature shows
Just the amount of girls he locked himself in my room woth says your gonna have to take a cab bro. I don't think he's going anywhere
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
There's a very drunk Asian strawberry shortcake crying on the curb next to my truck. I'm not really sure what standard protocol is for this situation.
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Do you know anyone else that comes home with unexplainable injuries as many nights a week as we do?
hey, i didnt think i could be this stupid either but you dont see ME getting all judgemental about it
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