i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
You fought the bouncer and lost, then challenged a hobo to a 40 chugging contest and lost. Sobriety is a good life choice.
Woah there. I lasted a semester and a fourth of college not having sex. trust me when i say keeping my virginity was an obstacle course of olympic proportions.
The virgin olympics. I would win the gold. For America.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
Sorry I sent you a video of a singing reverend last night, I was really high.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Randomize
