college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
They are chanting tits for freedom and I'm highly considering
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
There's a bachlorette party going on at the bowling alley, so we'll see who wins greatest shitshow tonight.
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
Of course you try to burn the house down on the one night we take down the smoke alarm so we can use the fog machine more
that may or may not have been my penis.
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