Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
Saw a guy pass out and hit his head on a urinal. Laughing too hard to help him up
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
