When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
so this was truly a case of the blacked out leading the blacked out.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
You know it's a good Halloween party when a guy wearing a light-up sombrero offers you blow.
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Right when he asked me if I was on birth control my dad walked in. This is my fate.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
Randomize
