how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
After so many times of carrying your puked covered clothes home in a bag on a Tuesday morning, you begin to realize that Fucked Up Mondays aren't a real thing.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
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