I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
woman puking in liquor store parking lot at 9:30 on a tuesday morning = best commute ever.
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Do you think my parents will accept my drinking habits more if I told them I like to drink every night because I take good shits the next morning?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
I woke up with eight different shoes in my bed what the hell happened last night
Randomize
