Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
so i just drove past a racoon and a kid on a long board... god i love 4am white castle runs
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
do you think this outfit says "I maintained my dignity this weekend"?
His water bottle is sitting on my coffee table like a monolith dedicated to the things he is not doing to my vagina.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
