it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
I'm hoping that by this time next year we will be smoking some weed at a gay wedding, asking "Mitt who?"
I was the girl at the bar last night passing out free condoms and making sure everyone knew how to use them to keep the population down
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
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