I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Drunk in a bar in Texas. The 24 y/o hottie I am chatting up just called me a male cougar. I am dealing with this whole turning 40 thing juuuust fine.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
I don't care how old I am, if it's your 21st birthday I'm going to make out with you.
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
Randomize
