I knocked on some strangers door, you didn't have to give me a fake hotel room number
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
I'm sitting in my car avoiding a customer. Apparently the new year hasn't affected my attitude nor work ethic
Tonight was a total waste of a shaved vagina
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